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Boys at Leisure
It was after 3:00 and the kitchen was now full except from Axel who was still flat out on the living room floor. Riku and Xemnas stood over the cooker stirring various pans on the top, occasionally checking something baking in the oven.
Siax sat at the table reading his book again, Sora sat next to him whispering into the ear of his best friend. Roxas’ face lit up and the both got up and grabbed cups from the side.
Dashing to the sink, they filled both glasses with water; Riku turned and followed their movements as they snuck into the living room.
‘3, 2, 1.’ Riku said.
All of a sudden they could hear shouting and Sora dashed back in, Roxas was on his tail but Riku saw an arm curl around his stomach pulling him back. There were a lot of muffled sounds before both boys emerged slightly more ruffled.
Siax shook his head and returned to his book. ‘Afternoon Axel’
‘afternoon?!’ he spun around to the clock. ‘Bloody hell’
‘Roxas wear you out last night?’ Xemnas asked dishing up food. Both boys blushed deeply, everyone laughed.
Xemnas and Riku began handing out plates and they all crowded around the table, eating and laughing happily.
********************************
It was after four, and the 6 guys had gone out for a walk to the local village, Xemnas and Riku walked ahead of the group.
‘I tried to leave you out as much as possible, to avoid awkward questions. We were the only ones up there so they can’t question it really, plus they know what the case meant to me.’
‘Yea’ Riku mumbled strolling along arms in his pockets.
‘On a happier note, Siax and I are getting married.’
‘Really?! That’s great! When?’ Riku exclaimed.
‘A few weeks. It’s not gonna be a big thing, just close friends, and well, family wise I just have you.’
‘Siax’ family?’
‘His parents, but that’s it. A few guys from the force and of course this lot behind us.’
‘I’m really happy for you two.’
‘Thanks, oh I have a favour to ask of you.’
‘oh?’
‘Will you be my best man?’ Xemnas asked looking towards him.
‘Of course! How could I say no!?’ Riku laughed and jumped playfully on him, ruffling his hair.
Xemnas laughed and grabbed Riku in return pulling his hair.
‘H-hey! No fair!’ Riku cried as Xemnas lifted him over one shoulder and dumped him roughly on the grass at the side of the road.
Riku rolled down the hill and landed sloppily at the bottom, Sora laughed and jumped down after him to check he was alright. The others stood laughing at the top, Riku was helped up by Sora and they walked back up the hill.
‘That wasn’t funny!’ Riku scowled at his brother.
‘Sure it was! The look on your face is priceless!’
‘Stop being- XEMNAS!’ Riku shouted half in shock, half in anger as a flash went off in his face. Xemnas pulled the camera back and checked the picture he had just taken.
‘That's a good one!’ he passed the camera to Sora who began to laugh hysterically. Sora passed the camera along so that everyone could see the photo, everyone that is but Riku.
*************************************
Riku stood in front of a huge mirror, staring at himself as a man walked around him measuring. He twisted a look of hair in his fingers clearly bored and yawned slightly before feeling someone smack the back of his head.
‘Ow Xemmy! Stop hitting me!’
‘Wake up then!’ laughed his brother.
‘Is this necessary?’ Riku sighed.
‘Yes! You’re gonna look nice! I don’t want my best man looking like a total mess thank you.’
Riku scowled at him, as the man finished measuring. He stepped off the box he had been standing on and away from the mirror.
‘You should tie your hair back too; I bet Sora would love that!’
‘Is that sarcastic or serious?’
‘Serious actually, for once’ Xemnas said not looking at him.
Riku stood up in front of the mirror and pulled his hair back; he held it in his hand at the back of his head and stared at his reflection.
‘Whoa.’ they both said.
‘You look so different.’
‘It’s scary,’
‘You look better though.’ Xemnas pointed out.
It’s true. Riku thought staring at his features closely, he let go of his ponytail and let it drop onto his shoulders again. He shook it out and sat back in his chair, watching Xemnas as he was measured too.
*******************************
Riku collapse on his bed back at his dorm and shut his eyes, it was late when he had gotten back. Xemnas had taken him out for the day and the two of them had ended up in a bar.
Riku knew by Xemnas’ habit he was lucky to manage to get back to his dorm. His head was swimming slightly and a buzzing in his ears prevented him from hearing the brunette boy sneak in.
Sora snuck up to the bed and pounced on Riku, Riku yelled out in alarm and pain, grabbing his stomach where Sora had landed.
‘OO! Is Riku a bit drunk?’ Sora teased him.
‘No!’ Riku groaned. ‘Yes...’
‘Ha ha! So I guess you won’t be able to do anything if I do this?’ Sora placed a gentle and slightly nipping kiss on Riku’s neck.
Riku moaned and arched his neck slightly. He laced his fingers with Sora, who was kissing lower on his neck and collar bone, unbuttoning his shirt with his free hand. He lowered his kissed onto Riku's chest, which was rising and falling steadily. Sora looked up to Riku’s face and saw he was asleep.
He chuckled to himself before tucking Riku and himself into Riku’s bed, stripping most of their clothing and chucking it on the floor.
This explanation was taken from Jinky (http://jinkybagagnan.wordpress.com/2008/05/14/quirky-neurons-strike-again/), a writer, editor, researcher, search marketing consultant, domain developer, and bum.
This was her explanation about the shoutout in my friendster which I have taken in her site. This was posted on May 14, 2009. You can post your comments here. Thank You! More power!
THE EXPLANATION
It’s amazing how the human mind works. Yesterday, mine gave me another jolt.
Yesterday was Tio Tec’s internment. I attended the mass at the Basilica Minore. In the Gospel reading, the priest focused on this passage:
John 14:5-7
Thomas said to him, “Lord, we don’t know where you are going, so how can we know the way?” Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really knew me, you would know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.”
In his homily, he segued on to death – naturally. He said, isn’t home the best destination for any traveler ? (I think some would disagree with him on that). Death is like going home, he continued. After all, dying is the only way we can get to heaven – our ultimate home – and be with God. He then mentioned a short verse which I once saw framed on my elementary school Principal’s table. It went on like this (these are not the exact words; I’m still looking for the source. I will be very much obliged to anyone who can give me the source and thus save me some work, he he)
When I was born, everyone in the room was laughing; I was crying. When I died, everyone in the room was crying; I was the only one laughing.
It was obvious, the point that the priest was trying to make. He wanted to tell us that although we are sad that Tio Tec has left this world and us, we should be comforted by the thought that Tio Tec himself is happy for he is going home to God.
The priest was good at making people cry. However, after he went on and on about death and happiness and going home, bringing tears to my eyes, which I would not wipe (Insert: Do you realize that people in funerals notice you’re crying when you wipe your tears away, not when they’re dripping down copiously on your face? People in funerals do not look at each other directly; they like to stare down at their toes. However, they’ll know you’re crying if you wipe off your tears because they see the movement through their peripheral vision.) - he said something that triggered all my quirky brain neurons into a reaction:
The best way to be happy ____________________________
My brain shifted to hyper-alert mode. Have you ever experienced trying to guess what a person will say to you? You sometimes know what the person’s going to say before he says it, right? I felt that way then. Before the priest could continue, my brain has already supplied me with the rest of the statement:
The best way to be happy is to be dead.
Turns out my brain and I were wrong. But it was too late, I was already laughing (quite loudly, too) in the middle of the homily in a mass for the dead. I just tried to cover it up; I pretended to have a bad cough. I was successful, too, I think for some of the people there seemed repelled and were covering their nose and mouth with their hanky.
I have to remember to update my “Quotable Quotes” post to reflect this piece of wisdom.
Have you ever watched a relay race? As the lead sprinter on each team runs the first leg of the race, the next runner gets himself set. He anxiously times his teammate’s arrival, and begins running before the lead runner reaches him. The crucial moment arrives when the lead runner passes the baton to the next runner who, on his part, runs and tries as hard as he can to get the win for the team. This is where the excitement grows more intense. A good track coach will tell you that the relay is often won or lost in the transfer of the baton. A split-second miscalculation or hesitation at that moment can cost the race.
In my life, I have been into a race. I ran a thousand miles and I experienced a lot from it. I stumbled and got behind from others. But, as long as the race is not over I still have the chance to win it.
I know life is worth fighting for. I may lose for so many times and I may fail the expectations of the people around me. I know I am still complete and will keep on fighting for what I am aiming.
In my race, there are barriers on my way. Chances are, I may either get tempted to stop for awhile or get focused and keep my sight on my way. I know I have to get through all of those things to understand my life as a matured person. Sometimes, there are ditches that I need to hurdle and lumps that I need to look on in order to maintain my momentum in running.
The race gets tougher and more intense each moment. Every step of my foot means another mile of my race. I have to learn my tactics and master my strategies in the game in order to win and survive the challenge.
In my young age, I learned a lot of lessons in my race that could help myself to overcome even the harshest of conditions in my life, giving me a strong feeling of security to continue the race of my life and will keep on running to discover more on life.
I discovered that successful life has a positive outlook. I knew that having it is a prerequisite to achieving good goals, a generative force that can make wonders. A thing which is beneficial to my life in retaining the ability to function well under all circumstances. To a great degree then, we are what our outlook is.
That’s what I have learned from my race. I need to get up when I stumbled and need to race against others when I got behind. A positive outlook has much to do with success in life.
I failed once in my life and once is enough for me to learn from my mistakes. My race is my battle and I must give a good fight for it. Even if I fail I can still be proud of what I have done because I gave the best fight in my challenge.
I know I can face all over again the things that I have experienced and I can still taste different challenges while I am running on my lane toward my goal.
I am 19 now and I should not get tired of my race. I have seen the race of my life. I played the role of a lead sprinter and experienced to get nervous in setting myself for the next race. I have been into a crucial moment where excitement and intense feeling were there. I will always remember my strategies and keep in my mind my tactics in order not to cost my race.
I learned that after reaching for the baton in my race I should focus my sight and heart toward the end. There may be hindrances; the crowd may be distracting, the track may be rough. And as in a relay, we have a limited zone in which to make the transfer and the run. But amidst the screams of the audiences, we should hear those chants that say, “Stay on course!” and pour our hearts to do so.
I learn things not as cruel as what’s just happening this time. I open my mind learning about ABC, singing nursery rhymes, learning English language, Math, watching Looney Tunes, the Toy story, the Flintstones, SpongeBob SquarePants and other cartoon TV shows. I’m 18 now, I can’t imagine myself chatting about social problems that imply negativity, but I should have to be aware of those things and must face a new light of experience and I grasped that this is what really meant to me this time.
Juan’s obsession
It’s some kind of paranoia.
Juan Dela Cruz become crazy this time because of the flooded deadly societal problems ranging from its economy, politics, governance, environment and inhabitants which encompasses their lifestyles, health, criminalities and abuses that may directly and indirectly affect everyone.
Price Hike
Recently, a number of prices of basic commodities have increase due to oil price hike in which the price is volatile and inherent in the world trade market. The prices reveal that almost 10% increase was seen in the primal commodities in the past economic events which clearly pass-on burden to Juan Dela Cruz that makes him slouch further.
Billions of loses due to counterfeiting
The counterfeiting and piracy problem is not limited to CD's, VCDs and computer softwares but also affects top brands of garments, bags, wallets, medicines, liquified petroleum gas (LPGs), batteries, lamps, bulbs and switches, brandy, vodka, cigarettes, soaps and shampoo, laser printer toner and ink cartridges, sofa beds, hacksaws, toys and electronic goods. According to the Brand Protection Association (BPA), almost 15 multinational companies were affected because of this counterfeiting and most of the counterfeits products were boldly sold and distributed to shopping malls, department stores and supermarkets and those products were typically come from China. If this will continue to happen, our economy will bump down and no more investors will put in investments in the country, thus impoverish Juan will suffer all over again with this problem.
Labor For One kilo of Fish and Rice a day
Juan Dela Cruz will be much weaker this time because of receiving below minimum wage requirement for the workers. His P200 wage per day cannot suffice the needed basic needs of his family and is only enough for a kilo of fish and rice. How is it?
A school janitor in our school who was hired on a regular basis under an agency is only receiving P200 per day. After tax, social security and other deductions were made on top of the share deductions by the agency, the utility worker went home with only less than P200. Her salary per day is only enough for a kilo of rice and fish. Before she goes to bed, she remembered that she had to buy school supplies for her child. She reached his pocket and found it empty. That is only one of the shared experiences of those people who are receiving wages which are below the required amount. This time, there are still many companies which are not complying with the Minimum Wage Law and are giving their workers much less. In 2002 survey, about 4.9 million Filipinos had no jobs while 5.9 million others had no regular source of livelihood. He was lucky after all because he has still job to hold on.
Limited Safe Drinking Water
In 2002 survey of the Annual Poverty Indicators Survey (APIS), it showed that almost 80 percent Filipino families had access to safe drinking water, thus 20 percent of the aggregate were sacrificing of the unsafe water to drink. Then, how much more this time that water is becoming less safe every year? We don’t know the case but we just hope that this problem may lessen. Juan Dela Cruz, indeed have so many baggage packed in his back that he needs to unload in an undetermined time.
Rising Street Children
Higher authorities that govern Juan Dela Cruz are not alarmed with this issue but Juan feels threatened with this problem which is the increase and downpour of the street children annually. As per record, Philippines is one who has the largest populations of the street children. Today, street children are approximately 2.5 million both living and working in the road of almost 65 cities. The End Child Prostitution in Asian Tourism (ECPAT) asserts that those children were working as pickpockets and beggars and that around 80,000 children were either sexually exploited or driven to prostitution. Some of them are already endowed to illegal use of drugs such as rugby and the like.
Unemployed College Graduates
According to the Trade Union Congress of the Philippines (TUCP), almost ¼ of the college graduates were unemployed. This is truly a dismaying fact that strikes me when I heard this information. Beyond doubt, Juan will surely bear again another issue to be resolved. I remember Mr. Faldas, my teacher in Econ 143, he said that our nation will be poorer if none of us will become entrepreneur. Employment will get behind the scene if all of us will seek employment as what the current trend suggests. We can only gain employment if there are people who are also willing to be an entrepreneur. That could be true, but still we need employment first to have a substantial investment in our business. Anyway, employment is everywhere. You can be employed if you are really skillful and ability-wise.
Child Labor
Tuition Fee Increase (TFI)
This issue may seem to be both blessing and curse to everyone. Notre Dame of Marbel University (NDMU) is one of the private Higher Education Institution (HEI) that proposed an increase in the tuition fee and other fees for the next academic year that was protested by the student leaders. This matter has been the annual hot issue in the campus since the school is proposing an increase every year and this increase is already dipping our parents to the ground. On the other hand, it’s a blessing to the entire NDMU personnel because of another wage increase. According to an Accountancy student, the main problem here is not the TFI but the worldwide phenomenon which is the inflation of prices from the primal and basic needs to the less needed things caused by the volatile fluctuation of oil price in the world market. In some sense, what she’s trying to bring about is the nonexistence of the blessing to the teachers because what’s then the purpose of the increase if the commodities have been already augmented.
Meanwhile, according to the Commission on Higher Education (CHEd) memorandum the proposed increase must be equal or lower than the national inflation rate. Last academic year’s inflation rate in TFI is 10 percent.
Juan didn’t want to miss this affair that give verge to his people for education and Juan will fight for this.
Prostitution
Prostitution existed way back in the time of Jesus Christ and now is the major problem faced by society and women advocates group. The major dens of prostitution were found in Manila, Puerto Galera, Davao City and Cebu City. How could we stop this? The Church advocates everyone to refrain from this unlawful activity. Let’s ask Juan then if how he feels about this? Surely, he may get dismayed and shamed.
Abortion
Almost 400,000 cases of abortions each year is reported despite the fact that abortion is strictly prohibited and is illegal here. The fetus found in Malacañang Palace Restroom is one out of the 400,000 fetus that was not given life. The fetus that will grow as a future leader of our country, that can be an energetic baseball player, or a child who could bring home honor to our country. But those dreams cannot be realized anymore because the chances of their living are already diminished by their parents. Juan Dela Cruz is shouting to stop this crime.
ZTE Scandal
This is the issue that shook every Filipinos head when they heard the $329 million ZTE National Broadband Network bribery scandal, of which $135 million will serve as the commission to the alleged Benjamin Abalos, former COMELEC Commissioner and one of the supporters of this project. Last month, Jun Lozada’s appearance can be the loosing point of all lies and can be the turning over of our relationship to China. This issue calls again for the same substance of topics and discussions in Congress and Senate which is the Graft and Corruption. This scandal makes Juan undignified all over again.
Global Warming
Global Warming is one of the worldwide phenomenon that tumbles all phases of development because of its vulnerable effect in business industries, environment and economy. We are all affected with this problem. Let us make our contribution with this predicament by saving our mother Earth through planting trees, minimize the use of plastic materials and reducing the consumption of energy because excessive utilization of power can make our planet warmer. Surely, if we do it all Juan feels relieve from all his problems.
The Cost of Air Pollution
Almost billion of US dollars are losing every year in our country because of air pollution. This loss is allocated in medical treatment, lost wages, low productivity and deaths that severely impact the Filipino’s quality of life (Social Issues in the Philippines, 2001).
The World Bank, in its study said that fine particle emissions result in about 2,000 premature deaths and 9,000 cases of chronic bronchitis in the country's four largest urban areas annually. These emissions of pollutants were largely blamed on public buses, jeepneys, utility vehicles, trucks and motorcycles that continue to emit visible smoke despite the government's anti-smoke belching campaign. For the past five years, there were 3.9 million land vehicles in the country (Social Issues in the Philippines, 2001). This one is another problem that threatened the quality of life of the Filipinos.
Those social problems are just few of the issues besieging the Philippines then and now. We should be aware of those issues because we are Filipino and we must share common problems and difficulties encountered by our country. We must not just share but we must think that we can do much for this problem.
TV cartoon shows and other childhood stuffs have already been part of my past. I’m 18 now and it’s been also 18 years of enjoying those stuffs. Learning the situation of the society and making the stand for it is what really meant to me this time and is the right thing that I can do for myself and to others.
Perspectives
“…it is much tiring if I escape from those routine and responsibilities. The more I run from it, the more it chases me.”
Sometimes, I am thinking of taking sleeping pills to withdraw from the world and escape from my daily routine. I am wondering why I need to go to school early in the morning and be home late at night. I’m tired of this tiring cycle. I want to get rid of my boring schedule.
I have been keeping these thoughts for nearly seven years. I am exhausted of the same things all over again. I am tired of going through the current of the stream. Everything is planned out. Everyday is the same day. Everything is so predictable.
My day starts and ends like the previous day. I rush to school, perform my tasks and go home. Even my weekends are boring. My scheduled visits in the library and my Mock Board preparations are gnawing the strength out of me. I am so weary of everything. I did a lot of things but I accomplish nothing.
I was caged in box of routine. Then, it all became too much for me to bear.
I decided to put some spice in my life. I need some kind of thrill, of excitement. I revised my schedule. I decided to be lax. I came to school late. I did my assignments in class. I don’t study my lessons. I sleep in some of my classes. I broke free from the usual me.
I held on to this scheme for days but I barely survived the week.
On a Saturday night while I lay in my bed, I contemplated about my predicament. I realized that it is much tiring eluding from my daily responsibilities. The more I run from it, the more it chases me. When I looked back at the past and I wanted to get back to my old life. It dawned on me that I’d rather be busy than be lax. I’d rather be weird than happy-go-lucky.
I tried to change but it did me no good. Laxity may unload your baggage and bring you temporary happiness, but it brings more misery in the long run.
I examined my life, my routine, and my weakness. Then I thought about these words;
“Come to me, all of you who are tired from carrying heavy loads and I will give you rest. Take my yoke and put it on you, and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in spirit; and you will find rest. For the yoke I will give you is easy, and the load I will put on you is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)
After recognizing my heavy loads and Jesus’ yoke, I realized that my life has more to offer. My routine was not that bad after all. It was my attitude towards it. I know my hard work will pay off. I will succeed. When I’m feeling like I can’t go on, Paul said, “I have the strength to face all conditions by the power that Christ gives me.” (Philippians 4:13)
I want to be free. I want to be free from the lethargy my boring schedule. I want to get over my idleness. I long for the same enthusiasm for my studies. I want to go back to where I stopped on my journey. I want to persevere because I wanted to succeed in the future.
I know that I have to face more in my remaining two years in this institution. I do not know how long my motivation will sustain me to go on. I do not know what will happen next.
With this, I learned to appreciate the value of my time. I learned to make the best out of my time on Earth. I will not procrastinate anymore. I will not be lax especially in my toughest academic struggles. I am determined to break my bad habits.
I will always remember how my parents struggled to provide what I needed. I remember how they tried to give me the best encouragement in my lowest moments. When I look at them, I come to appreciate the opportunity they gave me.
I learned my lessons. Life is not a race. I don’t need to hurry. I might miss the beauty of my existence. I learned to cherish every moment, to see it as a gift from God. I am determined to never be deluded by my routine, but to use my time doing worthwhile activities.
Sleeping pills is not the solution to my problem, nor will it ever be. The best thing to do is to break free from the sloth in me and to make the most of my gift of time.
To read the full version of Here Without song, please follow this link or copy and paste in your browser.
Book Review
Anne Frank, an ordinary Jewish girl born in Germany on June 12, 1929 wrote and kept the glimpse of what had happened during the World War II. She wrote everything when she received a diary for her 13th birthday and she called it Kitty. She made her first entry on June 14, 1942.
The diary teaches lessons in life. These are lessons that we can never regret when we are in the real world working and applying what we have learned in school. It teaches how to be courageous in facing the challenges of life and how we handle life that we can assure that we can hurdle those challenges.
It depicts the struggle of a family who faces challenges from the fate of invaders. It portrays how Anne and her family overcome the situation of fear amidst of hiding and being discovered. These are all Anne’s burns of the past and discover how this young girl makes the best of her fate in Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl.
Let life and dreams go on
It all started when the Nazis or the National Socialist German Workers’ Party, a group with strong racist principles invade her beloved country Holland. This was the hype when Nazis done various acts of violence, this was the point when the anti-Jewish laws in Germany was imposed, throwing Jews into prison without trial and as a result millions of Jews suffered the bad fate from the Nazis.
This is now the time that Otto Frank, Anne’s Father decided to move his family to Amsterdam. He chooses to occupy the annex of his office together with other family friend as well as Anne’s friends.
After two years of hiding, Nazis find the place and they were sent to the concentration camps where starvation and diseases plagued them day and night. Seven months later, Anne and her sister Margot died because of typhus. Anne was just 15 years old that time.
After two years, as Anne’s life gone, the war also ended. It was in 1945 and Otto Frank was the only survivor from the secret annex. He returned to Amsterdam with Anne’s diary in his hand and gives all her writings that were left in the hiding place and published it chronicling Anne’s life from June 12, 1942- August 1, 1944.
Her diary was published and printed in Dutch in 1947 and in English in the year 1951. This is one of the most read books in the world which sells almost 31 million copies and it was translated into roughly 67 languages.
Just like me who made writing as a passion and game, Anne also dreamed of becoming a writer for she believes that through his writings he can help others realize their perspectives in life where they can have a free fly.
This book is worth crying for, because it reflects the lives of millions of Jews who died because of the nightmare that the war had created. Anne was just one of the few Jews who became the victim of man’s interest and greed.
Anne passed away for 60 years, but her life and dreams still go on and will continue to journey for no matter how many years may come. Her dreams are becoming the dreams of humanity and even the heart of the harshest people living in the prison can be melted with her diary.
Before, I used to regret the opportunities of life because of the fear of risk of failure, but I ponder the things that I need to develop in myself to grow as a person- this is to face all challenges of life and the opportunity that it offers.
If you say “I am afraid,” God says “I have not given you the spirit of fear,” (2 Tim. 1:7).
In my search of effective friendship, I realized that listening and letting yourself remains in silent is an effective way of showing your care. I don't need to share my thoughts to let my friends know that I care. Sometimes, I end up thinking how apathetic I am in doing those things. I just listen. No reaction at all. I don't want to pretend that I know everything and let my friends believe in my so-called-drama-ever-advice. I'm just keeping myself at ease. When I don't want to speak, then I keep my mouth shut. When I don't want to be with them, then I tell them frankly. That's it. No mixtures of pretensions at all. Anyway, going back on what I have started. Yes, as what I am always saying "I love silence." I find satisfaction and comfort when I only listen. I just want them to feel that I care so much without knowing or saying what I feel. I want them to just say everything and I won't judge them. I want them to just feel how eager I am to be with them in times of their sadness. I want them to be at ease by securing that I am always be here. In my silence, I really mean a lot. Sometimes, my friends misunderstood me and let that drama-effect-whatever comes in again. No. I just want to listen. Realized things. Then, speak-up. It's just temporary, anyway. At the end, I'm glad I learned silence in my own way. No more masks to wear and no more pretensions to feel. Everything is pure, everything is alright. I can now assure my friends of my authenticity.
Ganito ba talaga ang buhay? Bakit sadyang kay lupit naman yata ang napunta sa akin? Hindi ko lubos maisip kung ang pagkakaroon ko ba ng laptop ay isang panaginip lamang o ang pagsuot ko ng mga Armanis na damit at pagmaneho ng Ferrari ay isang malaking kahibangan lamang. Naalala ko tuloy ang aking ina. Sabi niya magsikap daw ako upang maabot ko ang lahat ng aking inaambisyon. Ngunit hindi lamang basta-basta ambisyon ang lahat ng mga iyon. Kasama sa mga iyon ang aking pangarap na pilit kong inaabot hindi lamang para sa aking sarili kundi sa buong sanlibutan. Noong bata pa ako. Talagang mahilig ako mangambisyon. Minsan na ngang nagpatihulog sa hagdan ng paaralan para lamang magaya si Spiderman . Nawasak ang teacher's cabinet dahil pilit na maging si Batman . May pagkakataon ding tahimik lang para purihin bilang mabait na bata ng karamihan. Hay, sadya talagang mapaglaro ang mga pagkakataon sa akin. Ngunit, sa kabila ng mga iyon ay akin pa ring natanto na hindi lahat ng aking mga ambisyon ay makakabuti sa karamihan. Naisip ko rin na ang pagkakaroon ng labis na yaman ay walang bisa kapag hindi mo ibinahagi sa iba. Higit ka pa sa kanino mang pulubi sa buong mundo kapag hindi mo pinahalagahan ang disiplinang "pagbibigay ng kahit anuman sa iba kapag mayroon naman." Sa aking paglaki, hindi lamang disiplina at karunungan ang aking natutunan at nakuha. Sa mga taong nakapaligid sa akin aking mapapatunayan na nandoon din pala ang pagmamahal sa aking puso. Eh panu ba naman ako magkakaroon ng passion sa pagtulong sa world kung wala akong pagmamahal? Hahaha. Tama. Higit na mahalaga ang kabutihan para sa nakakarami. Noon, kung kaya kung masaktan para sa sarili kong kagustuhan. Ngayon, kayang-kaya kong isaalang-alang ang sarili kong kaligayahan para sa kapakanan ng karamihan. Tama nga ang sinasabi nila na hindi mahalaga ang materyal na bagay sa mundo. Siguro kung iniisip ko man noon na ang pagkakaroon ng laptop ay mahalaga ay dahil siguro sa kagustuhang makapantay rin sa kaklase. Bagkus, higit na mahalaga na mayroon kang buhay na matulungan at mabigyan ng bagong pag-asa. Ngayon, ayaw ko ng marinig pa ang sarili kong bunganga na magrereklamo sa buhay. Ika nga "enjoy life to the fullest without any what if's." Kaya ikaw. Easy lang. Don't worry. Be happy!
