Perspectives

“…it is much tiring if I escape from those routine and responsibilities. The more I run from it, the more it chases me.”

Sometimes, I am thinking of taking sleeping pills to withdraw from the world and escape from my daily routine. I am wondering why I need to go to school early in the morning and be home late at night. I’m tired of this tiring cycle. I want to get rid of my boring schedule.

I have been keeping these thoughts for nearly seven years. I am exhausted of the same things all over again. I am tired of going through the current of the stream. Everything is planned out. Everyday is the same day. Everything is so predictable.

My day starts and ends like the previous day. I rush to school, perform my tasks and go home. Even my weekends are boring. My scheduled visits in the library and my Mock Board preparations are gnawing the strength out of me. I am so weary of everything. I did a lot of things but I accomplish nothing.

I was caged in box of routine. Then, it all became too much for me to bear.
I decided to put some spice in my life. I need some kind of thrill, of excitement. I revised my schedule. I decided to be lax. I came to school late. I did my assignments in class. I don’t study my lessons. I sleep in some of my classes. I broke free from the usual me.
I held on to this scheme for days but I barely survived the week.

On a Saturday night while I lay in my bed, I contemplated about my predicament. I realized that it is much tiring eluding from my daily responsibilities. The more I run from it, the more it chases me. When I looked back at the past and I wanted to get back to my old life. It dawned on me that I’d rather be busy than be lax. I’d rather be weird than happy-go-lucky.

I tried to change but it did me no good. Laxity may unload your baggage and bring you temporary happiness, but it brings more misery in the long run.

I examined my life, my routine, and my weakness. Then I thought about these words;
“Come to me, all of you who are tired from carrying heavy loads and I will give you rest. Take my yoke and put it on you, and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in spirit; and you will find rest. For the yoke I will give you is easy, and the load I will put on you is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

After recognizing my heavy loads and Jesus’ yoke, I realized that my life has more to offer. My routine was not that bad after all. It was my attitude towards it. I know my hard work will pay off. I will succeed. When I’m feeling like I can’t go on, Paul said, “I have the strength to face all conditions by the power that Christ gives me.” (Philippians 4:13)

I want to be free. I want to be free from the lethargy my boring schedule. I want to get over my idleness. I long for the same enthusiasm for my studies. I want to go back to where I stopped on my journey. I want to persevere because I wanted to succeed in the future.

I know that I have to face more in my remaining two years in this institution. I do not know how long my motivation will sustain me to go on. I do not know what will happen next.

With this, I learned to appreciate the value of my time. I learned to make the best out of my time on Earth. I will not procrastinate anymore. I will not be lax especially in my toughest academic struggles. I am determined to break my bad habits.

I will always remember how my parents struggled to provide what I needed. I remember how they tried to give me the best encouragement in my lowest moments. When I look at them, I come to appreciate the opportunity they gave me.

I learned my lessons. Life is not a race. I don’t need to hurry. I might miss the beauty of my existence. I learned to cherish every moment, to see it as a gift from God. I am determined to never be deluded by my routine, but to use my time doing worthwhile activities.

Sleeping pills is not the solution to my problem, nor will it ever be. The best thing to do is to break free from the sloth in me and to make the most of my gift of time.